I saw Serenity over X-Mas break. It's um, really, really good (and it's the hottest cast this side of Smallville/BSG). Now I'm positively itching to see Firefly and watch Serenity again. I'm so sorry for making fun of Serenity and Firefly during the summer and fall. Then again, I'm an idiot; what did you all expect?

I have been Johnny Absent Blogger. I was busy all December (yay for 20+ straight days of work!) and now I'm home in Pennsylvania, drinking Yeungling and talking with my Grandfather about dick pill e-mails. Big wheel keep on turnin'.

Anyway, back in the new year. Tired now.

Is there an opposite to a "helping hand?" Like a "destructive foot" or something?

Go. Here. Now. It's awesomely original.

So, I saw the latest Harry Potter. I liked it a lot. It's loads better than the craptastrophe that was Potter 1, it has more action than Potter 3 (though not a cooler twist), and Potter himself kinda ups the badass quotient by flexing his magic muscles more often (literally, in an awkward bathtub scene).

I was also impresed by Radcliffe's comedic chops. He's going to be a pretty good comic actor one day. His scenes dealing with a bitchy (i.e. maturing) Harmione were funny.

Some issues I have with the Potter movies, though.

1. I hate the episodic nature of them all. As Asa might complain, "They're all structured like video games."

2. The only stupider wizards are the Jedi in the SW prequels. Seriously, when are they just going to shut Hogwarts down, or at least remark, "We should be extraordinarily cautious this year, because for the last four years the school has been nearly destroyed." I hate how at the end of every Potter, they hit the Cosmic Reset Button of Forgetful Characters and everyone prances off, forgetting what a dangerous place Hogwarts is.

3. And if it's so dangerous, how come Harry doesn't carry his broom with him AT ALL TIMES, so he can fly away from danger, or save people?

4. For a universe that seems to be built on ancient grudges, blood feuds, and intricate, generation-spanning plans of reprisal, why enroll people like Snape, or allow Drako Mallfoy to attend? Why risk having anyone who's remotely dangerous (or connected to dangerous people) show up?

It's totally gonna be McCain, yo. He just bent Bush to his will. He be powerful.

5. A Charlie Brown Christmas
4. Mickey's Christmas Carol
3. Mr. Magoo's Christmas
2. Garfield Christmas
1. Grinch

Get ready for 12 more years of talking beav(ers)! Narnia sequel greenlighted. To spare my sanity, can we at least, like, combine two or three of the books into one movie? Or will that simply send the Lewis people screaming down the streets with pitchforks and mallets carved from the true cross?

(I'll be seeing Narnia sometime next week.)

Great column about laughing at the retarded.

This past Smallville -- "Lexmas" -- was probably the best acting Michael Rosenbaum has done on the show. Lex gets shot and dreams what it'd be like to live a normal life and be married to Lana and have kids and all that stuff. Kinda formulaic, but Rosenbaum is clicking on all cylinders.

Oh, and the B-story stuff with Clark and "Santa" was lame, although Chloe having Clark deliver presents to needy kids at super speed was Silver Age cool all the way.

Even as a kid, I was never really a Winnie the Pooh fan, but this re-branding is sorta strange.

In general it's just cool that they do this one hour draw-off between Wildstorm and Aspen (culminating today in Jim Lee v. Michael Turner). More importantly, I like the work Jim Lee does in an hour a lot better than his more detailed stuff. Frankly I'm a sucker for less linework, more old school comic art (go crazy with that why don't you Mike Mignola) and I quite dig this slightly less angular Dustin Nguyen look Lee has going on here. Hey look, none of those lines are just randomly drawn across places! Goodbye 90s!

I was watching Gilbert Grape on cable today and I noticed what may just be the best assemblage ever of weird acting talent. In one scene, Johnny Depp, Leo DiCap, Juliette Lewis, John C. Reilly, and Crispin Glover all exchange dialog. Cra-zay.

Wow, check out the futuristic plastic diamond texture on Superman's outfit. Blankets on Krypton must be very uncomfortable.

Ahh, so we're finally here. The Episode IV of the Lensmen saga. Where it all began before they added some unnessecary prequels. And yes, we've skipped ahead a generation (or more). So we begin with a Lensmen Academy, and it's greatest student is one Kimball Kinnison. Almost immediately upon exit from the Academy he is made a Grey Lensmen, also called "Unattached," because a Grey Lensmen takes orders from no one, has an unlimited budget, and is simply trusted to do good with that power. This is basically how I think of Agent Zero, for what it's worth.

Anyway, Kinnison is tracking down Thionite, the most dangerous drug in the galaxy (beatiful women are often referred to as "thionite dream"s) and the zwilniks who peddle it. The Thionite leads to the evil Boskonian pirate society, and the book ends abruptly when the man behind it all (or so we think!) takes a few in the chest. To wit:
Then Helmuth; and as the fierce-driven metal slugs tore in their multitudes through his armor and through and through his body, riddling his every vital organ, that was THE END
Hard-boiled space murder. Yes! All this, plus we meet Nurse MacDougall, AKA Mac, the hot-headed nurse who is the genetically destined match for Kinnison. Their much ballyhooed union will, I feel certain, produce the Civilization saving Super-Lensman who probably stars in Book 6, Children of the Lens. Anyway, Mac's doctor boss has a bothersome tendency to go on and on about how great the couple's bones are. Apparently they've got great bones. "She qualifies - with that skeleton she has to!"

Good times here on Tellus.

So, conservatives generally hate RINOs (Republicans-in-Name-Only) and liberals generally hate DINOs (Democrats-in-Name-Only), but the more I think about it, the more I realize that a government divided 50/50 between DINOs and RINOs would be pretty good, wouldn't it? I'd much rather have some bizarre combination of Joe Lieberman, Bill Richardson and liberal New England Republicans running things than who we've got in there now.

Why anyone who cares about the environment should be for tougher controls on illegal immigration.

Remember once upon a time when I was going to post reviews of every installment in the Lensmen series of books, the seminal space opera that everything from Star Wars to the Green Lantern Corps sprang forth from? Yeah, that didn't happen. I've been real busy. But here, I'll catch you up:

Book 2: First Lensman - Virgil Samms and Roderick Kinnison head up the newly formed Galactic Patrol in fighting a dangerous band of government goons and drug runners (called "zwilniks") and end up becoming the first two Lensmen. This means they where shiny bracelets that give them lots of telepathic powers. Samms' daughter almost gets a lens, but Mentor of Arisia (the brain mind entity that doles out lenses) decides she doesn't need one and also girls are icky. Samms is the first Lensman, but in a fair trade off Kinnison gets to become President of North America, which is really like President of Everything (hmmm...). This is important to note because the Kinnison line is the bestest little genetic line that ever was, and will later be important in the creation of the Ubermensch. Err, I mean the savior of civilization. But let's not worry about all that, let's just think about the totally bitchin' alien car chase that happens. I'd love to see it on film. It happens during one of the many episodes where Samms goes out looking for alien races to make into Lensmen and, while finding some (but certainly no women), he comes to the shocking realization that humans are the pinnacle of all life forms in the galaxy. Can you imagine making that realization during an awesome alien car chase? What a sweet day that would be.

More to come.

Continuing today's war themes...

The Navy and the Marines are arguing over the fate of America's two remaining battleships (currently on inactive reserve.) The Navy's against reactivating the BBs, the Marines are for it.

I'm with the Marines on this one. Battleships kick ass.

Fascinating article says what I sorta suspected: Israel lacks the force projection capabilities to knock-out Iran's nukes on its own.

In order to mount an attack, Israel would A. Need to surprise Iran completely. B. Launch a massive number of attack, support, and refueling planes, and C. Do so with 100% accurate intelligence. Good luck.

The very fact that a nominal "surgical" strike would require so much resources effectively makes said surgical strike into a massive invasion strike. No good, as far as I'm concerned.

For one, such a strike would lead to total war between the two countries, with Iraq in the middle. Secondly, the world media is always looking for reasons to hate Israel (and turn a blind eye to the Mideast's bigger problems -- nukes in the hands of insane Iranians). So, it's back the ol' bargaining table!

Check out this guy's "bio."

And then for a longer laugh, checkout the things he's reviewed. (Scroll down for the Folger's coffee review, toaster oven review, and Patti Labelle review)

The dream is alive, my friend.